Quotes and sayings about Humor

"Keep calm and carry a wand."

"Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping."

"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."

"I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

"Because we were a kid act, we traveled at half-fare, despite the fact that we were all around 20. Minnie insisted we were 13. "That kid of yours is in the dining car smoking a cigar," the conductor told her, "and another one is in the washroom shaving." Minnie shook her head sadly. "They grow so fast . . . ""

"It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms."

"I drink to make other people interesting."

"The only game I like to play is Old Maid...provided she's not TOO old."

"Quote me as saying I was misquoted."

"Behind every successful man stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife."

"Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants so long as it is black."

"If you can’t be kind, at least be vague."

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."