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Jokes that work at work

Jokes that work at work
A serious workplace can suck out the positive vibes from the work environment. Contrary to popular belief, it is actually critical to have fun in order to boost mood, improve productivity, and performance in the long run. In fact, a study found that happier employees are more productive by an average of 12%.

Laughter makes us less stressed and makes us appear more sociable. It also helps us boost creativity and cut through the tension, and is a desirable leadership trait.
When we laugh together, we create a bond together and that makes the workplace better.
Keeping that in mind we have compiled a list of jokes that you can use in any workplace that will prove out to be handy in any situation.

• Why are construction workers great at parties? They always raise the roof.
• What do you call stealing ideas from many? Research.
• What’s the opposite of artificial intelligence? Natural stupidity.

• What did the nearsighted optometrist say when he was sick? I can’t see myself coming in today.

• Why are fewer people going into archeology? Career advancement is in ruins.

• What do you call 12 people doing the work of one? A committee.

• What’s the problem with unemployment jokes? None of them work.

• Why are chemists great at solving problems? Because they have all the solutions!

• Why did the developer go broke? Because he used up all his cache.

Jokes that work at work4

Jokes that work at work5

• All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

• I get plenty of exercise at work: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

• How do you tell the gender of an ant?
- Put it in a glass of water. If it sinks it’s a girl ant. If it floats it’s buoyant.
Jokes that work at work6

• I gave up my seat to an elderly person on the bus. And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.

• My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”

• I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise….
- My boss asked “what companies? “
- Gas, water and electricity company.

Jokes that work at work8

• I got a job at a paperless office.
- Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.

• My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke.
- So I put my paycheck as the first slide.

• My boss asked me how good I was at making spreadsheets.
- I told him I Excel at it.

Jokes that work at work9

Jokes that work at work10

• Employer: We need someone responsible for the job.
- Job Applicant: Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.

• Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
- Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
- Boss: Well there is now! After you left yesterday saying that you had to go to your grandma's funeral, she called the office looking for you.

• Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?
- Me: That it's only Wednesday

• My boss calls me "The computer"
Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.

• Boss: Can you work this weekend?
- Me: Yeah no worries but I'll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.
- Boss: What time will you get here?
- Me: Monday.

• An employee asks his boss, "Can I have two weeks off for Christmas?" His boss replied, "It's May...", to which the employee responded,
- "Oh, sorry. May I have two weeks off for Christmas?"

Jokes that work at work12

• My boss said I was going to see a big increase on my Payslip this month...
... He increased the font size.

• Boss: How is it that you are always sick on weekdays?
- Me: It’s my weekend immune system.

• I like to wrap myself in a blanket when I work from home. You could say I now work undercover.

• Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically.

Jokes that work at work14

• The housecleaner said she was going to start working from home, so she sent me a list of chores to do.

• My husband started working from home this week and is set up at the kitchen table so he sees me and the cats repeatedly coming in for snacks, and finally says, “So you guys just eat all day, huh?” He does NOT understand our office culture and I don’t think he’s fitting in at all

Jokes that work at work15

• Me: I have a zoom meeting later. My cat: Oh, me too

• When my boss asked me why I showed up late for our Zoom meeting, I told him that he wouldn’t believe the network traffic.

• When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

• “Your slide deck is too well-designed. It suggests you spend too much time on things that are not important.”
- “You don’t give me important tasks.”
- “That’s no excuse for good design.”

• My boss says I intimidate the other employees. So I just stared at him until he apologized.

• I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

• I love it when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words: Were you fired?

Jokes that work at work17

• Listen, rookie, nobody is listening to you…until you fart.

• Don’t argue with decimals-they always have a point.

• To err is human, to blame it on someone else is management.

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• Everyone started putting their names on their food. I saw it today while I was eating a sandwich named Mark.

• A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”

• My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

Jokes that work at work20

• Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.

• Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

• I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

• Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

• I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

• I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.

Jokes that work at work22

Jokes that work at work23

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